Mediation: Why One Person Backs Down and Another Leans In
Often conflict isn’t the problem — it’s how we meet it. And nothing reveals this more clearly than the moment mediation is offered.
Recently, in a workplace setting, two colleagues were invited to consider mediation after a long-standing tension. One did a complete 180 — suddenly conciliatory, eager to move on. The other leaned in, actively wanting the mediation to happen. Same offer, wildly different reactions. Why?
Let’s unpack it.
The Psychology of the Backdown
For some, the word “mediation” feels like a mirror. It reflects back the possibility that others see the situation as serious, unresolved, or even partly their responsibility. That can trigger discomfort — and a swift pivot to avoid scrutiny.
In this case, the backdown wasn’t necessarily about resolution. It was about control. By appearing cooperative, the person could sidestep the vulnerability of sitting in a room, being witnessed, and having their story challenged.
It’s a protective move. A way to say, “Let’s just forget it,” without ever really unpacking what “it” was.
The Invitation to Be Heard
For others, mediation is a lifeline. It’s a chance to be heard without interruption, to name what’s been unsaid, and to feel that their experience matters.
The colleague who leaned in saw mediation not as a threat, but as a container. A place where clarity could emerge, and dignity could be restored. They weren’t seeking victory — they were seeking understanding.
What This Tells Us
People react to mediation based on their relationship with conflict, power, and vulnerability. Some fear exposure. Others crave resolution. And both responses are valid.
What matters is how we hold the space.
At Salt, we design mediation offers with care — not as a punishment, but as a possibility. We know that the offer itself can shift dynamics, even before a single word is spoken. And we honour the courage it takes to say yes.
Want to explore how mediation could support your team?
We offer gentle facilitation to help teams move from tension to trust — one conversation at a time.
